Before my son grew into his head

JANUARY 23, 2009 Prospectors

Weddings, there are two kinds, one that deepens the bond already secured by love, and the kind that is just a white party, all carefully orchestrated with all good intentions of course. Watch the contenders, thats the key. Are they engrossed with each other, the preachers just a distance sound, drowned out by the loud buzz of wonder love. Or, have they a fixed gaze on the man reciting the contract, hoping this is not a mistake, distracted with the perfection of the flowers, lace and table settings. Yes, this is a female disorder I will admit. We want the dream, and think getting the cart in front of the horse is better than chancing no cart at all. And of course, it just sprials from there.

Now as an observer of many I feel safe in saying the best weddings are held at a beach, with a barefoot bride, a backyard, a fresh air ceremony puts a tear on my cheek.

JANUARY 20, 2009

Never Climb a fence with a gun in your hand, Berry Davis. Good advice.

Down .6Lbs...Well we just keep on Keeping on...

JANUARY 18, 2009 CHALLENGE

Colors pieced together give you depth, movement, life.

Today was a little tough, as far as walking the line. Sister was here and we cooked together for ourselves and for dad. Really enjoyed that.

I was Successful this Last week.. and I feel great about that...Sooo here goes another week.. All these tools that are available, it makes it a breeze to stay healthy...Meeting is Tuesday...I predict another 2lbs. As long as I keep losing 2 a week., I'm successful.

Dad looked really good today. We had a good day. I'm grateful.

My Blue Italian Lake

To My Child

You are the trip I did not take,
You are the pearls I could not buy.
You are my blue Italian lake,
You are my piece of foreign sky.

JANUARY 12, 2009 RANDOM

Monday, upon me again... I think I've lost 3 lbs this last week. Weigh in is tomorrow. Once the scale was down 8lbs... I must have been dehydrated... J and I went Treasury Hunting Saturday. Was thrilled to actually find some jewelry. a small gold bracelet. It's a start.

Dad got dizzy and passed out today. The final prognosis was somewhere between Dehydration and renal failure. He just needs to drink fluids.

JANUARY 9, 2009 ALFIE

Bill, my father, loves a dog. That is an understatement. Mother being raised in Mexico, also loves dogs, but from a distance. She has learned to hug and touch them freely, something that doesn't happen in Mexico. Growing up, we always had a dog. First I can remember was a runaway puddle, we were always chasing that tangle of black curls. Then when Mom was working as a housekeeper at a local hotel, a regular gave her a German Shepard, and not just an ordinary German Shepard. She was a retired police dog. Lady was incredible. She actually knew what you were saying. She would fetch my Dads keys, find his hat, carry a bag all the way home from the store. You could say go in the bathroom lady, and she would, or go to Dad's room, and she would. She had a great personality, we all just loved her so much, She was just SUPER special....

I too have a love for dogs. I feel incomplete if there's not one about foot. Well, here is a list of the menagerie I have as roommates. The Dogs; Pookie, Zed, Ziggy, CATS; Gracie, Buesher, Martin, Bird, Patrick. Okay, it doesn't look that bad in writing. Two are sitting on my legs, two are running about, chasing each other, one is trying to get up on me, one is outside, and one is in his bird cage, watching it all, punctuating all movements with little bird sounds.

Heather adopted a little guy Thursday. He is adorable, 2lbs of little joy. A mixed poochie of Maltese and Chihuahua, a Malchi. His name is Alfred Maximus Weatherspoon. I babysat yesterday while in my Sick bed, (couch) and crochet him a sweater and matching hat.

I stayed home 3 days with the tooth. Its is finally better, no more pills, they really tore up stomach. I have loss 5lbs this week already...Yes. Its not been hard, and I am satified. So it is just a matter of sticking to it... I can do this

Last night, after J got home from work I was building him a soup, he's standing near the stove, having his cocktail. I reached up to scratch my back and noticed how a crease just below by bra line was just extra FAT. I said "I can't believe how fat I am" Quickly, without thought, J Exclaimes with wide eye's as if to slap me "YOU SEXY BITCH !" We Laughed and Laughed, I hugged him... that's why he is the best husband. I'm sure lucky to have him as a partner. I'll have to be extra nice to him when I'm not feeling so lucky.

JANUARY 8, 2009 PANAMA

It crept up slowly, the delivery date. I waited with great anticipation, not knowing what waited for me between the first twinge and the first cry. As clear as my hand is in front of me, is the events of that day. Folding clothes in the bedroom... the whole insides tighten in a forceful, yet gentle cramp. Eyes weld with the knowledge, no maybes, might Be's, this is it. A previous decision to do this the way my ancestors had, the old fashion way, "natural" they called it, was the theme. If hundreds, thousands had done it before me, we too could, and would. That carried us through the first part and the middle part, but towards the end it got a little desperate. "okay, bring on the drugs" I stated, knowing they where at the fingertips of my caretakers. "NOPE" It was past the point of no return. Five more minutes and you'll be holding a small bundle of promised joy. It all turned out just as said. Soon the pain was forgotten and replaced by unmeasurable joy.

If only a damaged dental root had anything in common with a pregnancy besides "PAIN" No payoff for enduring without medication, No "Thank you Jesus" a bundle of pink adorableness at the end. Only the dread of thumping pain, and the only hope of getting any better is to drill out the offender (more pain).

This morning I was unable to stand the spreading pain any longer. I called doc wood, he could get me in next Tuesday, 5 days away, OKAY, Pull the boots up and prepare I thought... I will definitely need more Vicadin... I told the girl on the other end of the phone, my voice quivered as I fought back tears...hearing my desperation, she said she would call back. She called back with a name of a doc who would see the tooth NOW...Excitement filled me...who gets excited about a root canal? Never thought that would be me. I rushed over and said yes to the "Happy Gas" and Maria hooked me up. No pain, not even discomfort. That was at 10am ish, it is now 3pm. Best outcome...so far...I love modern dentistry. Thank you Chad Burgess, your the MAN.

JANUARY 7, 2009 HOME

Walking across a parking lot, almost to the door. Suddenly, an angry, vicious rottweiler is charging. It's do or die time. In a swift and Ninja like move, pinning it to the ground, a powerful forearm to it's massive neck. Pushing with all possible might, knowning that if unsuccessful, the beast will surely take my life. Push, Push, don't let up! He struggles, weakening, weaker yet, the large animal goes limp. It's life force jumps into my lungs from his mouth to mine, it spreads like warm liquid throughout my being.

Dreams are windows into the subconscious. Feeling out of control...the dream has you driving towards a group of children unable to step on the brake.

The rottie dream happened almost 20yrs ago. That single dream empowered me. I was living in Ohio, a single mom, struggling. The kids were getting old enough for me to work. I was able to leave them alone long enough to make some money and get us on our feet a bit. But that was frustrating. Having to pick up my small ones on snow covered nights in that old station wagon, I can remember them asleep in the back,and me driving with tears streaming down my face. I knew I had to make a better life for us. Get us out of that small town and its small minded people. Now that the kids are out on their own, I think back to those small town days, and how my dreams guided me home.

Dreams come from many place, where that is, is for each of us to decide.

JANUARY 6, 2009

It's nice to belong... belong to a family, a school, a team, a club, a state, a country... We can stand up for each other, cheer on, bail out, cry with, laugh at, share with, yell at...

The first meeting is tonight... then I will belong to the club of dieters...I will cheer; bail,cry,laugh,share and maybe, hopefully YELL.

The tooth kept poking an annoying finger in my brain last night. Only at a 2 today(pain scale).. doc wood gave me the name of a fellow doc...hopefully tooth will calm with the help of erythrocin. Stomach hates erythrocin. Makes stomach feels as though a hot coal was place on her pink belly. No like. Have to make it to NEXT Wednesday. Not this Wednesday...

Still at work, having turkey chili on a salad... really good.

This pic is the "my tooth hurts" face.

JANUARY 5, 2009

Bill, my father once told me, that in common, we shared a trait. We were survivors. We would come out, sunny side up, on the other end of whatever life dealt us. I have always believed him.

Madge, my grandmother, once told me I was a strong girl. Being so young, I wondered how she knew this. She stated, "Like me, you have no other choice." This too, I have always believed.



It was successful today. Drank my water, ate well, felt good. Laugh a bit. It was a good day.

The Chargers beat the Colts this weekend, woke up this morning with a "chargers beat the colts" smile on my sleepy face. Yes..San Diego Super Chargers!

I had a cavity filled the first week of Dec, Doc said it might need a rootcanal... well today it is beginging to ache...I called ol doc wood, and he is getting Eye Surgery tues... the day I need a root canal...to avoid certain pain... ugh.. might have to go elsewhere, but I only trust him. He is the only dentist that actually causes no pain.

I am obsessed with the series, LOST, I've caught up and impatiently waiting for season 5 to start. J isn't up to season 4 yet.. If you havent seen it, go rent it, love it.

Did I mention we have new kittens? Adorable! They're now about 20weeks. Martin and Buscher. J loves them, and they him.

It has been bitterly cold (for S.CA), 34 last night. I'm hoping the plumerias can weather it.

JANUARY 4, 2009 The Resolution

Well frankly, I am shocked that it is 2009! I heard Ozzie Osbourne on some insane commercial exclaim that he has been the Prince of Darkness since 1979, and I thought, well that's not that long...and then quickly math...and oh goodness that ten years plus another ten and ..and wtfrench...30yrs...Lord..where did 30 years go... My youth has blown bye bye bye, in a torrent of minutia... and here I am fat and not really recognizable in any mirror in which I have the nerve to gaze into long enough to actually see myself. So this is my journey to lose the weight and find myself again... I know it is just two easy steps, eat less, exercise. SO WHY IS IT SO CHALLENGING??? I told Jon I had lots of self control but only in small increments.. so this is the first day of the rest of my life.. and I am going to lose 25 lbs this year. That the deal. Just move in the right direction without killing all the joy in my life. That's the resolution. I'm hoping that along with weight loss a little (or a lot) of youth will hop on the bandwagon as well.

So here's a real picture of what I think I look like most days. This was Christmas day 2008 and the family was over, partaking in food and gifts. I'll go into that whole situation on a latter blog.

I have been working full time at our business now since the first of November 08, and although it's has been a challenge, I feel like I am just now getting into the swing of things. I am actually looking forward to this week. Before the holiday breaks, I found myself near tears in the shower dreading the long day ahead. But its a new day and I am feeling positive...

I plan on highlighting one person a week (maybe a month.. don't knows yet) in my life. Kids, the hubby, the mom, the sister, the friend, dog?? Unlimited options... Yippee.. this is fun...